Username: WendilynnKerezman (My Mate Is An Idol)
What was liked about your story: I like that it's fresh and new. Who would ever thought of combining Kdrama into the werewolf drama? I think that's a catch especially for those who are into the said genres and fandoms. (I'm more if an EXO though but I love the BTS the same 😁).
So the writer did a good job the plot making. I also liked the concept of keeping the wolves' name to themselves and only to their mates. That's cute.
I think in this story, I liked the villains and the confused characters more than the MCs, especially Michelle.
What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): Nothing much. The story is nice and original. The pacing is all good.
Improvements on proof reading and editing could be done, though. Since there are mistyped and misused words. Though obviously, they are but typos. Other than that, the technical aspects of the story is all good.
Also, it would help if there are break lines in between scenes though it was easy for me to figure they have already moved to another location.
Plot Cohesion
Does the plot make sense?
The plot definitely make sense. It really captured me. It's the first of its kind that I have read so no remarks on the inorovement. I'm sure the author has already got it.
Were the chapters eventful and full of information?
Yes they were. Just the right amount of information and events that will keep me on my edge of my seat. The information make sense and they are not overly done per chapter. There weren't any information nor sensory overload. Good job author!!
Setting
Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?
Yes definitely even without the line breaks that could have signaled a new scene. So maybe the line breaks weren't needed at all (for me personally, though other readers would definitely appreciate that). Though at some parts there were several blank lines before a new scene. So that's nice!
I knew that new scenes were taking place due to the author's well described background of the scenes. Especially at the concert chapter. That was vivid.
Vivid Description
Were your scenes coming to life?
Yes they did. The scenes were well described and the characters brought even more vibe to them. Not to mention the use of sensory words and adjectives. I can vividly picture the scenes and hear them. (Like a movie on my mind.)
If and how all five senses were appealed to:
What appealed to me the most were the sight, hearing and smell. Also the touch. I don't have any comment on how to improve sense the author already did a good job there. The scenes were vivid. The sound in some of the chapters were loud especially at the concert and the chaos during the post graduation rites. The author also appealed to my emotional senses.
Characters
Did the characters feel important?
Their roles and personalities were pointed out. It made sense why they acted the way they did or why they say the things they say. Their dialogues match their part in the story. The essence of their roles are goodly written, too.
Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?
Yes, for most of them. Though because there are a bit many of the boys in the boyband, some of them stood out for me while others didn't. In some ways the others were passive while the others weren't.
Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?
There definitely is. But I like the in between characters especially Michelle. She was not exactly a villain nor was she a hero. Hers was a sad story of its own. And Nathan was an asshole kind of antagonist. The kind that doesn't deserve redemption. 😑
Dialogue
Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?
Yes. Most of them were. Though some dialogues were unnecessary like they could have been placed in the narrative parts. Such as the one when Jeson was talking about the back to back concerts and how long they were apart from each other. (I think no one in real life would really say to their lovers 'I haven't seen you in bla bla bla because of bla bla bla' when they both know why. Julie defintely knew about the concerts and the other events that Jeson went so that could have just been narrated). This was the one that stood out to me the most.
Other than that, no more comments. The other dialogues were definitely necessary and not over the top.
Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?
Yes they were, for most of the parts. I don't remember any dialogues that was hard to follow through but the other one that I have pointed out in my comment before was definitely one of the unrealistic one.
Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?
Yes they did! Like some parts in the latter chapters, I would be like 'I knew it!'. That was definitely good foreshadowing. Also the emotions were clearly put in the dialogues and the tags. The thiughts though subtle were obvious.
Grammar & Organization
Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?
Not much really. Except for the misused words caused by the typos i.e. reveled instead of revel. I think I must have commented a double asterisk on some of those errors so she could find them if she want.
Only a few proofreading amd editing will do the job.
Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?
The chapters were well written. There weren't any unnecessary lengthy paragraphs nor sentences. The number of words per chapter made justice of the informations and events in one without making it hard to read by overloading them.
Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?
I think there were a few errors that a proof reading and editing would definitely fix. Still, these errors weren't enough to take me away from the story.
Your punctuation rated between 1-10?
7
Your grammar rated between 1-10?
9
Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?
10
Your Partner's Personal Critique:
Nothing much! I enjoyed partnering with you. By the time the second part of the book is out, hopefully we'll get paired again.
Also, again, the story and plot is fresh and well written. Great pacing and structuring! Good world building, too. Only a few editing and proofreading need be done and your book is great as new. The characters mostly well written and given justice (though my heart goes out for Michelle since she didn't deserve that bastard of a Nathan). Loved the tweaks in the story like how the wolves' name are only known to their human halves and mate. I like that its not a cliche werewolf mate story over all and that it did not turn oit to be a harem. 😂😂
Recommendation:
Yes definitely. Especially for those who are into kdrama and werewolves at the same time. This is definitely new since none of the other werewolf stories I came accross with had this concept. Smart write!!
Username: joiefikolo
What was liked about your story: I like that the story is gritty. The supernatural characters are struggling to survive and they don't even know why its all going so wrong. I mean, they know who is causing it, but not how to combat it yet.
What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): The story is gut wrenching. All happiness is being destroyed. (this isn't a bad thing as its the beginning of the story so there is alot that can change)
Plot Cohesion
Does the plot make sense?
so far as I've read, yes, the plot makes sense. She's building my expectations around the characters and their motivations.
Were the chapters eventful and full of information?
The chapters are both eventful and take their time. its a neat trick.
Setting
Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?
Yes, I always knew where I was.
Vivid Description
Were your scenes coming to life? sometimes. The writing style would pull me out of the story often, but then as it progressed I'd get caught up in it again.
If and how all five senses were appealed to:
lots of gut wrenching feelings, not much time spent on happier moments. Like when our white wolf finally gets his mate, after their long seperation, there could have been more joy in that moment even though it was in the middle of so much pain.
Characters
Did the characters feel important?
Yes
Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?
The white wolf did. Leo did. the vampire did. The other characters were more surface characters.
Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?
oh yeah...
Dialogue
Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?
all dialogue felt necessary.
Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?
yes. it felt easy and natural.
Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?
personal thoughts told you most of the story.
Grammar & Organization
Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?
yes. There are a lot of missing words in the sentences. Too many to just point out each time I ran into it.
Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?
The chapters were a bit hard to read because of the writing style used and the missing words. Also there were odd sentence constructions that would make me stop and have to figure out what the author actually meant.
Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? I wasn't really paying attention to punctuation as sentence structure was my big hurtle.
Your punctuation rated between 1-10?
8
Your grammar rated between 1-10?
6
Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?
10
Your Partner's Personal Critique:
I'm sorry I didn't get through the whole book as I said I would for reasons I mentioned, but I like the story. The present tense you use to write in was a little off putting but I got used to it. I would run the story through grammarly or even google docs to check for those missing words so your sentences can be more complete. You already know you need to work on descriptions, but the writing style you are using tells the reader instead of describing it for them. (I have this same struggle)
Recommendation:
Yes. I would. its gritty and I want to see where it goes.
Username: petrack (Academy For Sentinel Wolf)
What was liked about your story: The plot seems so intriguing! I love the idea of Deleena having powers, too. It seems to be thought out in a way that the chapters keep adding to the plot.
What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): I was confused in regards to characters sometimes. I feel like describing with a little bit more depth what the characters are like, how they act and speak, helps the readers get to know the important characters better.
Plot Cohesion
Does the plot make sense?
I only read the required first three chapters, and so far the plot seems to line up well in each chapter.
Were the chapters eventful and full of information?
Every chapter added more detail to the story, which I really enjoyed.
Setting
Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?
Sometimes I got quite confused, but others the author made sure to describe.
Vivid Description
Were your scenes coming to life?
The way the characters were responding to the situations they were placed in made them feel realistic.
If and how all five senses were appealed to:
I'm not sure that the senses were all addressed in the chapters I read. The author could describe what characters or rooms look like, or what they're physically feeling. I don't think there was a scene where senses such as taste could have been appealed to, though.
Characters
Did the characters feel important?
Deleena and Paul feel important because they each have chapters in their POV, and others because they were mentioned repeatedly.
Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?
Not really, because there was so much going on that it was difficult to keep track of who was talking unless the author specifically explained who said what. None of the characters relly seemed to have a voice that really set them apart from everyone else.
Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?
Not yet.
Dialogue
Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?
Some of it felt unnecessary to be said but it added to the plot.
Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?
Some of it, as mentioned, was hard for me to follow because there was so much going on.
Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?
The dialogue definitely did continue adding to what the stroy centers around in the beginning, which is great. It hinted towards what characters may be feeling emotionally based on what they said and how they said it.
Grammar & Organization
Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?
N/A
Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?
For the most part pretty easy to read, but I just got confused sometimes as to where they were and why or who was speaking.
Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?
Sometimes when a character was speaking, their dialogue would be cut short and ended in a new paragraph or just the end quotation mark would be. I also feel like commas could have been added in certain areas in order for them to read more smoothly.
Your punctuation rated between 1-10?
5
Your grammar rated between 1-10?
6
Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?
3
Your Partner's Personal Critique:
Your plot seems so interesting! I'm inclined to find out what the Rogue Alpha wants with Deleena and what his deal is haha. I absolutely love the ideas of Deleena having powers and I wanna find out more about her, too! Keep working hard, you're doing great!
Recommendation:
I would! I think the whole idea of wolves with powers is so neat and not something I've commonly seen on Wattpad.
Username: XabishhrrauelX
What was liked about your story: Aurah I love how she loves her pack regardless of how her parents treated her.
What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): I’m half way through chapter 5 but love it so far.
Plot Cohesion
Does the plot make sense?
The plot makes sense.
Were the chapters eventful and full of information?
By explain what is going on with the people in the chapter and what was in the room or what was going on around them.
Setting
Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?
By explaining where they were.
Vivid Description
Were your scenes coming to life?
Yes you could feel what aurah was feeling with her parents were doing to her.
If and how all five senses were appealed to:
Yes the 5 sense where appealed with how she was tortured by her parents the smell of her mate and the sparks she was feeling.
Characters
Did the characters feel important?
By giving respect to there higher rank wolves.
Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?
Yes you could.
Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?
Yes there was.
Dialogue
Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?
No it wasn’t there to just fill up the page.
Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?
Yes it was easy to follow.
Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?
Yes the dialogue was easy to follow.
Grammar & Organization
Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?
No there wasn’t many mistakes.
Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?
Yes it was easy to read.
Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?
Yes there was enough punctuation and it was used correctly.
Your punctuation rated between 1-10?
8
Your grammar rated between 1-10?
6
Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?
7
Your Partner's Personal Critique:
No it’s all good.
Recommendation:
Yes I would recommend this book to other people.