Kelly

Username: gg0105

What was liked about your story: I like the way the author has started with the story. The protagonist's backstory was so sad-- utterly heartbreaking. It has to be my favourite part of the story.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): I can't say much. The 'story' didn't seem off to me. I can't say much from reading only three chapters, TBH😅 I can only speak about the technical aspects at this point in time. There are a few grammatical errors sprinkled throughout the chapters, but it is nothing that can't be fixed! I have commented wherever I could, and I hope that the author finds my suggestions helpful.

At times, I found the story's description lacking. I am confident that the author can do a better job describing the scenes, emotions, characters et cetera-- I see that potential in this writing😉💞

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

The plot does make sense. At first, I thought that this would be another cliche, but as I read on, I am proved wrong.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

The chapters were short, and for that length, they did cover plenty of information. Sometimes, a bit too much.

Setting

Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

No, not immediately. The writing is more dialogue and narration focused, than on scene description. The author can make the scenes play out better in the readers' minds by simply including brief descriptions of the surroundings. As they say, 'Show' your world to your readers-- cover all five senses while describing a scenery to achieve A-plus writing 🙌🏻😉

Vivid Description

Were your scenes coming to life?

No, not really. Only in the first chapter when the author describes the protgonist's brothers' death, I could imaging the car, the fire and shouting. After that, the writing became rather monotonous. More of 'telling' rather than 'showing'.

If and how all five senses were appealed to:

A little. The author does use sentences including 'seeing' and 'hearing', and at times-- 'feeling', to describe actions. But when it comes to scene-building, there isn't much.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

Skylar, the protagonist, surely is important to this story. Her shattered, post-traumatic personality is well-detailed-- enough to make readers feel sorry for her.

Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?

Yes, I could.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

This early in the story, I can't say who the antagonist is. Skylar's pack maybe, because they're abusing her and blaming her for something that isn't her fault.

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?

This has a mixed answer. As times, yes, it seemed as if the author was just trying to fill up the page (like in the third chapter when Skylar runs into a wolf of her mate's pack) but most of the time, no.

Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?

The dialogue seemed realistic enough. However, the flow was rather choppy. The author seldom ends the dialogue with 'I said' or 'said Mom', et cetera, so there were times when I was confused about who the speaker was.

Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?

It varies depending on the speaker. While reading Derek's dialogues, I found myself respecting him. He was a good elder brother, whose love and responsibility towards his siblings was clear. When I read Skylar's parents' dialogues, I kept thinking: 'You idiots! She is your DAUGHTER!' So yeah, the dialogue does convey some serious emotion.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?

There were a few errors-- most of them in punctuation, a few in syntax and very little in spellings.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?

The chapters were easy to read despite the grammatical errors. The syntax at a few places was a little off, as I have pointed out while reading, but it is nothing that a little editing cannot fix 😉

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?

Most of the errors lie in punctuation-- specifically commas and apostrophes. For starters, the title-- 'The Alphas Broken Mate' should be 'The Alpha's Broken Mate'. The author tends to not use commas before closing quotes, and while joining two clauses or a phrase and a clause. I have pointed out the places where such errors occur while reading the first 3 chapters.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

5

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

6

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

6

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

N/A

Recommendation:

N/A

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Username: LheaRyder

What was liked about your story: I enjoyed the whole thing. It was very suspenseful which I enjoyed.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): I loved the whole thing.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

Yes it does

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Yes

Setting

Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Yes. The author specified the places and times.

Vivid Description

Were your scenes coming to life?

Yes I was able to find myself imagining everything in my mind.

If and how all five senses were appealed to:

They were all applied.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

I think they all felt important by being able to teach each other something.

Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?

Yes I could.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yes

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?

It was all necessary

Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?

Yes it did

Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?

Yes

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?

No

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?

Easy

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?

Yes

Your punctuation rated between 1-10? 10

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

10

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

10

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

N/A

Recommendation:

I would recommend this story to my friends and anyone who doesn’t really expect to get so hooked into a story. The author did such a good job at keeping the readers entertained and not think that the story is boring.

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Username: Lilly_246

Unfortunately, your partner failed to do this week's assignment and they've received a strike for the tardiness. If you'd still wish to get a review done, please contact the founder and she or one of the admins will do it in place of your partner or you could choose to trust your new pair will write one for this week. We're so sorry for the inconvenience.

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Username: bentleyann

What was liked about your story: I liked how they incorporated mermaids, which isn't common in supernatural stories with werewolves. I think it adds a little diversity which makes it it's own thing.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): The POV changes where confusing since it would constantly shift from the protagonists POV into 3rd person which made the chapters a little harder to read.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

The plot isn't clear in the first chapters, since finding their mate is a supposed priority, as well as moving too Canada.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

The first few chapter I felt were and info overload. We get introduced to so many things at once that it's hard to remember what is what and who is who. I felt like the info in the first chapter should be spread out a little more.

Setting

Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Not all of them. Sometimes there would be dialogue, without any intro to any setting. Instead of describing the scenes, pictures were put in witch took away the feel for the story a little.

Vivid Description

Were your scenes coming to life?

Yes. The author describes everything pretty well, but sometimes puts in pictures instead.

If and how all five senses were appealed to:

Not many senses where appealed too. Mostly sight was used to describe everything. Not much of any other senses are used. When going into the school, the author could describe the breeze when they are riding on their bikes, or when they enter the school.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

Yes, they felt important by contributing their part in the dialogue.

Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?

Not really when it came to the sets of twins. They are so similar, with they way they are written, and personalty wise they are hard to distinguish.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yes.

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?

With some of it, yes. But most of the dialogue was necessary.

Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?

The dialogue was seemingly easy to follow but not in all instances was it realistic. Such as in the first 2 chapters, when the parents say they are going to Canada, you would expect more a reaction out of the twins.

Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?

Not much. Since most of the insight was thoughts, not so much as dialogue.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?

There was a decent amount. Most of it using slang such as 'ur' and that kind of stuff that would be better off as the proper term, and not in the slang form when writing a story.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?

Some parts where easier than others. And vice versa.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?

Yes. Most of it was used correctly.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

8.5

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

6

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

6

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

The story has it's own feel, and perks but I think the mermaid part should be more extenuated throughout the chapters, as well as the wolves. The wolves in the twins (female) don't talk as much as the male twins, and I think it would do good to the story if it was evened out. The story is still relatively new and is still trying to get a hold on the plot (I can't really complain since I'm doing the same, and still working on it), but for now, it's a little unsure. Most of the sentences are really short and tend to lack description in some parts which make following along a little tough. Some of the names are also not capitalized which takes away from the feel of the story a little.

Recommendation:

It's an interesting book, but it would need a specific person to be recommended too. It has it's ups and downs but I know that some of my friends would love to read it while others not so much. It's a good read, just needs a specific person if your recommending it.