Username: Fruityelephant101
What was liked about your story: Its unique and exciting all at the same time. The MC has a mind that is so funny but also so strong. Descriptions are really good and the characters so far excites me. Almost no spelling mistakes and I know its tuff, because I make allot of them.
What I did like is how the details of this book like the age and the rogue concept is different than what I'm used to reading
What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): Honestly, no. So far from reading the first 3 chapters I would not change anything. I do believe that each to their own. BUT from the first 3 chapters I would really not change anything. Its exciting and just written good.
Plot Cohesion
Does the plot make sense?
So far everything makes sense, everything is 100%
Were the chapters eventful and full of information?
From the age to the rogues and her own idea of mates. I have to say her "smelling or seeing" her mate was my favorite part in the 3 chapters I read. I could feel every emotion written.
Setting
Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?
Yes, although it was not over the top the details given as to where everything took place was more than sufficient and left also room for imagination.
Vivid Description
Were your scenes coming to life?
Yes. My favorite part was when she arrived at the tents. The description was so good, I could feel being there. The visual explanations was really good
If and how all five senses were appealed to:
Yes. All 5 was mentioned. Again this was not done in the in your face manner, it was subtle and fitting to each scene
Characters
Did the characters feel important?
I dont understand this one 100% sorry. but if Im correct by that I uncerstand ill say the following. Each Character had a vital part in the 3 chapters I read. Each one was needed and made the chapters, taking one out would not give the same end result
Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?
Yes. She explained it very well
Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?
Yes
Dialogue
Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?
I would say all the dialogue's were needed
Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?
oh yes! I like her writing style and way of putting this all together
Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?
Yes, Yes and Yes
Grammar & Organization
Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?
No
Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?
Easy and it flowed really well
Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?
Sufficient and done properly
Your punctuation rated between 1-10?
10
Your grammar rated between 1-10?
10
Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?
10
Your Partner's Personal Critique:
I really dont have any critique to write. The 3 chapters I read was good, no flaws and they drew me in, wanting to read more. I love the MC's way of thinking and I do think that this book will only be better from here. and that excited me.
Recommendation:
Yes. Simply because its good. and unique. Its a story that draws you to read the next chapter.
Username: wildfiremockingjay
What was liked about your story: I really enjoyed how the beginning of the book started, it was just a snippet of a childhood memory, not a nice one either, to give the reader an insight into how the character has grown up. It's a different entrance into a book than any one which I have ever read, which is good! Strong beginnings really capture the readers! I like that the characters aren't perfect and have flaws, especially the main character getting into her own head and her wolf fighting her. It makes the story just that much more different from the rest, in a good way! I'm sure the main characters will grow and develop throughout the book. Also, having a wolf, who did in fact lose her wolf, meet the Moon Goddess and receive a second chance is really unique and I loved that scene in the story out of the chapters I have read.
What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): Some things that I have noticed is that although you have a good plot, try to not move too fast through the scenes. You want to give your story a nice reading pace that has a good flow to it. When your characters talk with one another it's usually straight to the point, very direct, which makes it hard for the conversations to keep going. You need that dialogue in order to help the reader get a feel for your other characters (who are not your main one) so they can piece together how their relationship is to the main character, and some insight into what they could possibly be thinking.
Plot Cohesion
Does the plot make sense? Yes, however it does seem to move pretty fast and switch from important scenes quickly. I recommend trying to slow this down so your readers can really process all that's happening because there is a lot going on straight off the bat.
Were the chapters eventful and full of information?
Yes
Setting
Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?
Yes, great job with the details in having the main character look and feel things rather than describing everything through a different P.O.V.
Vivid Description
Were your scenes coming to life?
Most of the time, sometimes certain scenes would come and go without there being a whole lot of detail so it was an issue to really give it that breath of life. Try to focus on really forcing yourself into your writing, it will make big scenes easier to transport your reader into.
If and how all five senses were appealed to:
Most of the time the five senses were used, definitely touch, sight, and smell however a lot of the chapters consisted of the main character and her wolf talking. Which is fine, but sometimes a lot of that dialogue and really take away from the scene itself.
Characters
Did the characters feel important?
The main character felt important, and so did her friends when they all came into the chapter but then they kind of fell away, especially in the hospital. I have not read far enough into the book to determine their importance yet, however the King is also a really important character. You wrote that well, especially when he enters the room and everyone could feel his power. Nicely done.
Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?
I could, at all times. Great job with not confusing character lines!
Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?
Most certainly, we don't like the prick who rejected her.... And so far the King either.... I don't care so much for her parents but yes we know she's going to keep fighting!
Dialogue
Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?
Most of it did yes... Although, I would recommend breaking off your paragraphs into smaller ones, especially if it's a new character talking. It makes the book more reader friendly, and I also suggest to reel in all of the dialogue between Ella and her wolf. Even though it is really important to capture that insight, however TOO MUCH can really take away from big scenes and will take away the focus at hand.
Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?
The dialogue was very easy to follow, kudos! There were sometimes throughout the story that some conversations weren't always so realistic. For example, "Now, you are here as we have been receiving threats at the royal palace and within our pack. You are some of the last few wolves who will be interviewed in this part of the country. Everyone will stay seated until your name will be called. If you are found stable stable and not a safety risk, you will be freed. If not. My cells are awaiting new tenants." This is a scene where you really want to play up that fear, have people running around and chaos. It'll really bring it to life.
Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?
Yes it did, a lot of thoughts especially between Ella and her wolf which really gave the reader the opportunity to gain a good insight into the main character.
Grammar & Organization
Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?
A majority of the errors were just grammar and spelling mistakes.
Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? Easy to read, great book for readers!
Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?
Yes
Your punctuation rated between 1-10?
7
Your grammar rated between 1-10?
6
Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?
6
Your Partner's Personal Critique:
A majority of everything was well covered in the previous questions.
Recommendation:
Yes, the plot is beautiful and will really lead up to something great! It's a nice easy read for readers and has a lot of potential. Well done.
Username: BexyCL
What was liked about your story: I honestly loved how the first four chapters panned out. It slowly eased me in on the story and every detail was explained thoroughly.
What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): Nope, but she had a few minor issues with the technical aspects. Nothing a good edit can’t do.
Plot Cohesion
Does the plot make sense?
Yes! It really did. The backstory written on the prologue was good and didn’t confuse us when moving on to the next chapter.
Were the chapters eventful and full of information?
The first few chapters were eventful because they told the readers the essential backstory of the MC’s life.
Setting
Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?
Yes, she has always mentioned where the MC was going and its surroundings
Vivid Description
Were your scenes coming to life?
Yes, I could feel the emotions of the MC and I felt sympathy for her parents’ deaths.
If and how all five senses were appealed to:
Yes, the senses were appealed to!
Characters
Did the characters feel important?
The characters felt important because Rebels and Jaden were Selene’s parents. They held a secret, and I assume Selene is the person in the prophecy (obviously). Also, the 3rd chapter left us thinking there was more to the story when Selene met her Uncle Dan-dan.
Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?
Yes, they were distinguishable
Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?
Not yet, since the prophecy did say that Selene can be the savior or the destroyer
Dialogue
Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?
Yes, they were all necessary.
Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?
Yes, they were realistic and easy to follow.
Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?
Yes
Grammar & Organization
Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?
Not a lot, just a few misused words and capitalizations. I don’t think “Mother” and “Father“ should be capitalized like this since they are common nouns. Also I spotted the word “brake” which should’ve been “break”, and “their” which should’ve been a “there”.
Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?
Very easy to read. It flowed smoothly.
Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?
Yes, the author used enough punctuation
Your punctuation rated between 1-10? 10
Your grammar rated between 1-10?
8
Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?
9
Your Partner's Personal Critique:
N/A
Recommendation:
Yep, it’s a good story!
Username: jaszthewayyoulikeit
What was liked about your story: Liked? I LOVED IT! This story is incredible and it has only begun. I like the pacing and the description of it is overall nicely written. I love everything about it especially the characters. It's hard to say what I love about it because this story has some serious potential and there's still so much more to write! I just love it! Not trying to sound to extra, but has to be one of my favorite.
What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): I can't say anything for this question because I genuinely love this story.
Plot Cohesion
Does the plot make sense?
I'm not sure we've been introduced to the plot yet since this story is barely starting. But, so far I'm interested to see what plot the author has planned out for this incredible story.
Were the chapters eventful and full of information?
Most definitely! Every chapter was eventful and had tons of information that was nicely evened out. I like how we were witnessing the events with Yzavel and learning the information with her. It's very well written!
Setting
Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?
Yes, I was able to determine where I was at all times. I think there was one chapter where I was a bit confused, but that could've been just me. What I liked about this story is that the author did a good job in describing and providing some visuals. It really added to you being there and getting a feel for yourself.
Vivid Description
Were your scenes coming to life? Yes I did! I was honestly very invested in everything that I could see myself there witnessing everything. Made me very excited won't lie!
If and how all five senses were appealed to:
All five senses were present and I think the author did an incredible job in evenly spreading them out throughout her story!
Characters
Did the characters feel important?
All the characters that were mentioned definitely felt important given their ranks. The way they were described and presented to us really shows you how powerful the families really are.
Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?
Yes, all the characters are unique to themselves and I was able to tell who was who. I especially loved the four brothers and Khal! Those guys have my heart considering that Storm the male Alpha is being a little... interesting. Anyways, all the characters are relatable in one way or another!
Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?
The protagonist is clearly presented. But as for the antagonist, the story is still in its beginnings that I don't who it is yet. Considering its ongoing, I'm looking forward to see who it is!
Dialogue
Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?
Yes, all the dialogue was necessary and helped carry out the story very smoothly. I personally enjoyed how the dialogue was used in order to inform us as well instead of everything being explained by the author/protagonist.
Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?
Yes, the dialogue was realistic and very easy to follow. I really loved how relatable some characters were!
Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?
The dialogue really evoked a lot of emotions. Especially very positive ones too. Definitely had me thinking and wondering what would come next which is always good when reading.
Grammar & Organization
Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?
I didn't really notice many errors or mistakes if I'm honest. The only thing that would catch my attention was that maybe in 2-3 different paragraphs shared dialogue from different characters. But besides that, everything seemed good!
Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?
The chapters were easy to read and the overall structure of them was very good. This story is nicely balanced and written that I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? Yes, there was enough punctuation and it all looked to be used correctly.
Your punctuation rated between 1-10?
9
Your grammar rated between 1-10?
10
Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?
10
Your Partner's Personal Critique:
My only critique to jaszthewayyoulikeit would be that to NEVER stop writing. Girl, you have such talent and your story blew me away. I'm honestly glad that I got the opportunity to read Sunless because its one of my favorite now. I can't wait for those updates and find out what happens with everyone!
Recommendation:
Most definitely! This story in fun and different from the other ones I've read. It's very light hearted and it really evoked emotions and reactions from me. The characters are all lovable and the author is a sweet heart! Please she Sunless out, you won't regret it!