Duffy (honeyduff)

Username: Eleenabanerjee (The Abandoned Alpha)

What was liked about your story: I love amber I also love how zach is the calm one and his wolf ray wants to complete the bond as in most books I have read where their mate has been in a bad life it’s the wolf that is telling their other half to wait.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): The first chapter was confusing and there wasn’t enough emotion in some of chapters

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

In the first chapter no it did make sense but then on it did.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Yes, to some what I thought it could have more included in the chapters.

Setting

Did you know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Yes, office and taking the for a walk throughout the city.

Vivid Description

Did you feel as if the scene was coming to life?

No, I found that in some parts it was lacking emotion.

Were the five senses involved? If yes, how?

Yes, the five sense where involved as the alpha could see how beautiful she was hear her heartbeat smell her lavender sparks when they touch and she Taste great when they kissed.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

Yes, most of the characters did feel important.

Could you distinguish the difference between the characters? If no, why not?

Yes, you could distinguish between the alpha and beta and there mates.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yes,there was a clear antagonist and protagonist.

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if they were just trying to fill up the page?

The dialogue was good in the second and third chapter.

Was the dialogue easy to follow? If no, why?

In the first chapter it was hard to follow because of all the grammar and spelling mistakes it took me a while to read the chapter as I had to guess at the words.

Did the dialogue give you any insight to anything in the story? (i.e: thoughts, personal feelings, foreshadowing)

Yes.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes? If yes, please specify your answer. In the first chapter there was a lot of mistakes I had to guess at what she was writing which I had to read 4 or 5 times before it made sense.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? If hard, please specify your answer.

First chapter was hard to read the rest of the book was easy to read.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? If no, please specify your answer.

In the first chapter it was not used correctly.

Were there words used in the incorrect context? If yes, please elaborate to the best of your ability.

Yes, In the first chapter she say that I have to sick my breakfast.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10? Chapter one was not great so I would put 3 chapter 2,3 I’ll put it at 6.

Your grammar rated between 1-10? Chapter one 2 chapter two,three 5.

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

4

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

No, I think everything has been covered.

Recommendation:

Yes, I would recommend this story to anybody that’s looking for something new to read it has a lot of potential the first chapter needs a lot of work but with spelling and grammar mistakes fixed and rewrite some of the words to have sass.

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Username: petratack (Academy For Sentinel Wolf)

What was liked about your story: I like the fact that the story explores and goes into a rather new genre in the werewolf category itself.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): I feel the description could have been a bit more attractive and there are more than than a few spelling errors and grammatical errors with a number of capitalisation errors which makes reading a more time consuming task.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

I read through the first few chapters and as I already mentioned it is rather a new kind of werewolf story so I am not pretty sure.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Mostly.

Setting

Did you know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Yes.

Vivid Description

Did you feel as if the scene was coming to life? Not all though most of them were.

Were the five senses involved? If yes, how?

No.

Characters

Did the characters feel important? As of now I am not pretty sure because out of the characters introduced only two stood out after reading the first few chapters.

Could you distinguish the difference between the characters? If no, why not?

Yes.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Not in the first few chapters though I did guess the protagonist but it isn't a hundred percent yes.

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if they were just trying to fill up the page?

They were.

Was the dialogue easy to follow? If no, why? No, as mentioned there were a lot of spelling , punctuation and capitalisation errors making them difficult to read.

Did the dialogue give you any insight to anything in the story? (i.e: thoughts, personal feelings, foreshadowing)

Mostly.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes? If yes, please specify your answer.

Yes there were for example in the description itself there were a few spelling error including the disastrous spelling right at the beginning, then there was punctuation and capitalisation errors like in one place it was 'his Daughter'.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? If hard, please specify your answer.

The chapters in themselves were easy to read like there were no use of unnecessary gaudy words.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? If no, please specify your answer.

No. In some places a comma(,) was missing before the start of quotes and some places there was no closing quotes.

Were there words used in the incorrect context? If yes, please elaborate to the best of your ability.

I won't say the words were incorrect in context but yes they seemed due to the spelling errors.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10? 4

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

6

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

5

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

I feel almost everything was covered expect I would like to mention that in some places there were sentence formation errors and some places a word was repeated twice unnecessarily.

Recommendation:

I feel I would as its a rather new kind of story.