Tracy (nevrakis)

Username: JoieFikolo

What was liked about your story: The story was definitely action packed! I really liked how it wasn't a traditional (cliché) mate story. This story is very original.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): I wish the pace was a bit slower. There are several interesting characters that I would like to learn more about, but there is a new, dramatic development every chapter (sometimes multiple times per chapter) and it is hard to keep up.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

Yes. From what I have read so far, I am not sure where it is going, but I can tell that it is going somewhere.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Very! A lot happens in every chapter!

Setting

Did you know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

For the most part yes. Sometimes it takes half a paragraph or so to figure it out. Maybe having some sort of visual break between scenes like **** or something like that would help the reader to know when you are shifting location

Vivid Description

Did you feel as if the scene was coming to life?

Yes. I could always feel the emotions that Joie was trying to convey. I would like to have gotten to know some of the characters on a deeper level and not just their greatest heartbreaks. Most characters in the story are immortal and thousands of years old. What do they do with all that time? How do they manage to not go crazy with boredom? Do they have jobs? How do they learn to use their powers?

Were the five senses involved? If yes, how?

I would say that the sense that was most involved would be the heart. The joys and heart breaks of the characters were very evident. However, most scenes only had a basic description of the physical place where they took place, but I think that that could be fleshed out more. Joie does a great job of sketching out the environment, but I really wanted to know more about the unique world that the characters lived in. This might help to slow the pace down a bit too. Does each species have a uniform or style that they stick to? Because the fairies can fly, do they live on the highest levels where they can come and go from the windows? Do the elves live on the bottom level where they are closest to the earth? Think about each character's personality and write about the things they would want to surround themselves with. Maybe picking a color theme for each character. I see Aison's chambers decorated in earth tones with lots of wood and natural fabrics on minimal pieces of furniture. Books and scrolls cover every available surface. Plates with half eaten meals and cups half full of last nights wine sit on the dining table. He is far too busy worrying about how to save his people than having to be bothered with such mundane things as cleaning up. His clothes would be utilitarian. They keep him warm but aren't flashy. Leo on the other hand, I see his chambers as full of bright colors. Maybe he has magical musical instruments that begin to play whenever he enters. He has many places to sit with lots of fluffy pillows to curl up with and have a long conversation with friends. He dresses in the latest of human fashion. He always looks like he stepped right off the runway in a Paris fashion show. I love the ideas that Joie has written and feel like they could be taken further.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

They did! In fact, several characters that I thought would be very important to the story died!

Could you distinguish the difference between the characters? If no, why not?

I could. Most characters were different enough that I could tell who was who. It might help to start a new paragraph with a new speaker begins to speak. This would clear up any confusion on who was talking.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Very clear

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if they were just trying to fill up the page?

The dialogue that was there was necessary. I wish there was a bit more. I feel like a lot of the story is internal to each character. I would like to see more dialogue between the characters in order to build up the relationships and really feel how each character was connected to the others.

Was the dialogue easy to follow? If no, why?

Yes, but starting a new paragraph for a new speaker would help.

Did the dialogue give you any insight to anything in the story? (i.e: thoughts, personal feelings, foreshadowing)

Yes, but as I wrote above, I think it would help if there was more. If Aison had confessed his love to Lala and she had confessed hers in return, when she was killed it would have been that much more traumatic. Having the characters talk to one another and build their relationships that way heightens the rest of the story.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes? If yes, please specify your answer.

There were some, but not too many and not too bad that it took you out of the story.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? If hard, please specify your answer.

I think the chapters were a good length and were easy to read. I would say that using the italics in the later chapters did help to identify what was a flashback. It might also help to date the flashbacks. 2000 years ago. He thought back to his childhood. She remembered the last winter before the rebellion when her family was complete and happy. It would help the reader to build a basic timeline in their head of the life of each character.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? If no, please specify your answer.

Punctuation was good. Just the same comment about starting a new paragraph for a new speaker.

Were there words used in the incorrect context? If yes, please elaborate to the best of your ability.

Words were used correctly and in the context. It might help to vary the word choice a bit. There were a few words that were repeated multiple times.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

7.5

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

7

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

7

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

I really love that Joie has created an entire, magical world for her characters. I love it so much that I really want to know more about it. I want to know the "rules" for magic in the world. I want to know how the different species live and work together. I really think that Joie could go deeper into the world and bring it fully to life. I am thinking Harry Potter or Game of Thrones. Are there separate languages? Is there conflict between the ruling class and the servants? Does anyone venture out into the human world and then come back? Are there holidays or festivals that the characters remember? What have the royals done for so long without one clear ruler? The world that Joie created can be expanded upon and made richer. The characters are there and the plot it there, but everything moves so fast that the reader second guesses getting emotionally attached to anyone or anything because it could be ripped away from us in the next chapter! I will be honest and say that I only got to chapter 11 so maybe this was answered after that, but I also had question about Aradia and where she got her army. There was a lot of them and they were very powerful so where did she find them? Again, it is a wonderful world with lots of action, but I was hungry for more!

Recommendation:

I would recommend it to anyone who was looking for book that is original, fast paced and full of twists!

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Username: BoldSwan

What was liked about your story: I liked the pacing of the story. The characters are so real and relatable. They surely have their own set of uniqueness. I also like that it's not the typical werewolf stories that I read.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): Nothing at all. If there were any, I couldn't recall it. What's not to like?

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

Yes. It does. It's different and because of that, I will surely read through the whole story.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Yes. Some chapters were eventful and full of information just telling and showing how the story goes. But there are some chapters that gives lesser information keeping you to guess what's going to happen next. And that's a great technique!

Setting

Did you know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Yes. Most of the scenes are given details to especially the first part and so it did throughout the uploaded chapters. I can picture that first scene and the one they were in the room the night Greyson shifted.

Vivid Description

Did you feel as if the scene was coming to life? Yes. For most parts. A very few scenes were too "technical" (i think that's just for me though). But most of the scenes are brought to life well and good.

Were the five senses involved? If yes, how?

Yes. I was able to imagine the whole story as it filled up my senses. Especially the descriptions. I could picture myself within the scenarios.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

Yes they did. Some characters had lesser roles to play but the importance of the main ones were very well written.

Could you distinguish the difference between the characters? If no, why not? Yes. Definitely. Each one their own personas. And I think that's beautiful.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

The protagonists are real. So far, something like that of an antagonist is yet to be introduced. Looking forward to it on the next updates!

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if they were just trying to fill up the page?

Yes. The dialogue fitted every page they were on and added color to the story.

Was the dialogue easy to follow? If no, why?

Yes. It was clear who was saying who.

Did the dialogue give you any insight to anything in the story? (i.e: thoughts, personal feelings, foreshadowing)

They did. Though most of the characters perfectly just want to keep things to themselves. And so the narrations made sense. However, between the two main characters, they perfectly communicate well with each other. I like that about the story.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes? If yes, please specify your answer.

Not much that I could remember. I didn't even see a lot of typos if there were any.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? If hard, please specify your answer.

They were easy to read. The flow was nice. Dialogues just the right amount. Information tidbits here and there.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? If no, please specify your answer.

Yes. The punctuation used were enough and used most correctly. If there were errors, I would have definitely missed them as I was immersed on reading.

Were there words used in the incorrect context? If yes, please elaborate to the best of your ability.

I think the author did use the words' context very well. There's the right adjectives and needed phrases. I couldn't remember a word that didn't make sense or any part were better wording could have been used. Thumbs up!

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

8

Your grammar rated between 1-10? 9

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

9

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

Nothing really. All the critiquing questions are covered. If you ask me. And I don't have anything to add to it.

Recommendation:

Of course I would definitely recommend it. It's different. And the story is fresh and new. The story plot stands out. It's not the typical start for a werewolf story. And there's enough drama but resilience and strength also from the characters. So it's a must read!! If it was me looking for some new werewolf stories to read, it would be stories like these. I don't have anything against cliches but a story that is different stands out for me.

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Username: 70489AYCB

What was liked about your story: I thought the intro was pretty good. I always look for mentions of The Moon Goddess because I feel that's where the werewolf genre all began. (that's just my opinion though) So I really enjoyed the reading what the author put in about The Moon Goddess.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): I think the storyline was a little confusing at first. And some bad grammar. Other than that is was pretty well written.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

At first I was a little confused about what was going on, but you can expect that from any story, after a few paragraphs; yes.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Mm, so, so. I think that's definitely something the author can work on.

Setting

Did you know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Most of the time, yes. (it was probably just me though)

Vivid Description

Did you feel as if the scene was coming to life?

Yes and no. There could have been a little bit more detail.

Were the five senses involved? If yes, how?

N/A

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

Yes. (I thought the author did a good job on their characters)

Could you distinguish the difference between the characters? If no, why not?

Yes. Most of the time! (Again, probably just me ^_^ )

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Hmm, I think so... (Yes)

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if they were just trying to fill up the page?

In some areas it did seem that way. (but hey I'm not judging!)

Was the dialogue easy to follow? If no, why?

Most of the time. (I'm beginning to sound like a broken record xD)

Did the dialogue give you any insight to anything in the story? (i.e: thoughts, personal feelings, foreshadowing)

N/A

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes? If yes, please specify your answer.

Only a few grammar mistakes. Nothing to big!

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? If hard, please specify your answer.

Pretty easy. But that's probably just me, cause I read constantly.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? If no, please specify your answer.

Yes. (✷‿✷)

Were there words used in the incorrect context? If yes, please elaborate to the best of your ability.

N/A

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

7

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

8

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

7.5

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

(✿^‿^)

Recommendation:

Yes. Once this book is finished, I think it'll be a good read.

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Username: lil_wolf23

Unfortunately, your partner failed to do this week's assignment and they've received a strike for the tardiness. If you'd still wish to get a review done, please contact the founder and she or one of the admins will do it in place of your partner or you could choose to trust your new pair will write one for this week. We're so sorry for the inconvenience.