Shannon (Rieka914)

Username: WendilynnKerezman (My Mate Is An Idol)

What was liked about your story: I did enjoy this story, your characters all have different personalities, likes, and dislikes which makes them unique and allows for diversity to happen in the story. WHICH IS GREAT! I also thoroughly enjoyed the humor found throughout, it gives the story a nice charm to it. What you did best was probably the flow of the story, the plot line MAKES SENSE and their was no weird scenes that left me saying, "How the fu*%$ does this even happen!" You weren't rushing to the scene where she finds her mate, which is also a great strategy for forcing people to read more of your work because THEY WANT TO KNOW WHO IT IS! You have a very good style of writing, it flows very nicely and isn't all jagged and questionable. Which makes it a great story to follow along to, well done.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): A couple things that I have noticed here and there is that you tend to repeatedly use the same phrases and words, sometimes a couple times in a page. The words you use aren't BAD, but I do recommend stepping out of the box a bit to really increase different word choices to keep the story from sounding repetitive. Although your characters are wonderful in their own characteristics and word usage, they also are a little 'too perfect'. This isn't all necessarily bad, however no one is flawless. Obviously Nathan and Michelle are horrible and have LOTS of flaws. (I don't like Nathan in the absolute slightest, not from a critique stand point but a readers.) But try to give your characters more LIFE! The way she interacts with her parents, her friends, even how she communicates to her wolf, a real life person isn't going to agree to everything all those people are saying or like what they do.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

Yes, it flows well.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Yes, however make sure to not expose too much information at once about wolves and their bond. Try to chop it up a bit so it's not one large paragraph about the whole morphing process, it's not bad if you do however it does interrupt the flow to the story. You could have her ask her best friends for information since a few of them already shifted so it's not a clump of info. in one paragraph.

Setting

Did you know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Always.

Vivid Description

Did you feel as if the scene was coming to life?

A majority of the time yes. Make sure to really bring the scene to life in a unique way that transports the reader into your story, your descriptions are good but they lacked descriptive detail that really makes them profound. Of course not every scene needs to be OVERLY DESCRIPTIVE, however the birthday party scene should be made crystal clear in the readers head. It's a big scene. Don't gloss over anything with adjectives, MAKE IT STAND OUT AND POP!

Were the five senses involved? If yes, how?

Yes, the way you described the cake, to the scents of other people and wolves, down to his "chocolate abs" and going deaf from screaming.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

The main character did.

Could you distinguish the difference between the characters? If no, why not?

Absolutely.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Definitely, good job.

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if they were just trying to fill up the page?

It was all necessary, you created a story in my head, cudos.

Was the dialogue easy to follow? If no, why?

Yes.

Did the dialogue give you any insight to anything in the story? (i.e: thoughts, personal feelings, foreshadowing)

Yes, especially thoughts and feelings.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes? If yes, please specify your answer.

Hardly.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? If hard, please specify your answer.

Easy to read.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? If no, please specify your answer.

Yes.

Were there words used in the incorrect context? If yes, please elaborate to the best of your ability.

Yes, you did a great job with using some unique words in a sentence that actually made sense and didn't leave the reader wondering what they just read.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

9

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

9

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

8, strong vocabulary usage however just broaden your horizons a bit more so there's no repeating.

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

Overall I think you did a great job with the story, one thing I want to talk about here is your hook. Aside from your cover being the most important (I like the cover) your hook is the second thing readers will look at to see if your story is worth adding to their library. Honestly, it's a big make or break point. What you have is good, however if you want to grab their attention a bit more I highly recommend leaving a little excerpt from your story below the first paragraph of your hook. It not only adds to the excitement but also spikes curiosity! Which is one of the big things that'll get people reading. Make sure to not give too much away.

Recommendation:

Absolutely! I think this story is great and very nice to follow along and read it. It has made me laugh, get upset, and become curious. You did a great job, I am very happy that I was pushed out of my comfort zone to read a story like yours, (it's going to stay in my library forever). The plot is enjoyable, you don't rush your scenes, and Nathan looks like a jerk... All things that I admire in your book. Great job. I am proud of you. Thank you for being such a wonderful partner.

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Username: Fruityelephant101 (Her King)

What was liked about your story: I loved the intrigue of the mystery Violet is trying to solve while not getting herself killed. A female wolf who doesn't like the idea of being forced to mate with somebody she doesn't know appeals to me, too. I like strong girls who stand up for themselves.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on):

I dislike Axel, the male lead tremendously. The story is not finished so I can't say how she'll redeem Violet's mate but I couldn't stand him at all. Didn't trust him. He had so betrayed our girl, in some spectacular ways, that I was not warming up to him at all. I also had a hard time feeling like Violet was making strides.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

The plot is very straightforward.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Oh yeah. There was nothing boring about this story.

Setting

Did you know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Yes. Placement and description of locations were very good.

Vivid Description

Did you feel as if the scene was coming to life?

I was easily sucked into the scenes and could feel all the feels to a point. Since I was reacting more negatively to the male lead then our female was, as the romance started to bloom between them, I just couldn't join in. Those scenes felt rushed and too soon.

Were the five senses involved? If yes, how?

Yes, she did. A good example was when she was having problems with her heat. YOu could feel the discomfort as she tried to find relief in the bathtub.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

So far, all the characters introduced had a purpose for being there.

Could you distinguish the difference between the characters? If no, why not?

Yes, each character had a life and feel of their own.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yes and No. I feel the mystery involved in the story makes it so you can't really know who to trust yet. AS the book is not yet finished, I feel there is much still to discover.

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if they were just trying to fill up the page?

The dialogue fit the scenes well.

Was the dialogue easy to follow? If no, why?

The dialogue itself is fine, but in the writing, the author sometimes has two people speaking in the same paragraph which can make knowing who is speaking confusing. I would make sure to separate the individual speakers.

Did the dialogue give you any insight to anything in the story? (i.e: thoughts, personal feelings, foreshadowing)

You get most of that information from what the character is thinking.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes? If yes, please specify your answer.

The only mistakes are the paragraphs with too many people speaking. This is an example of what I mean. " Grabbing the rest of the pile, I began shoving them all underneath my seat in order to preserve whatever was left of a long family heritage. "Who the fuck are these people!" I screamed over the wind blowing, "The Council's hitmen!" He turned off on a country road, the tires squealed causing me to cringe at the sound. "How did they even find us!" She asks a question, he answers and she responds, but it takes the reader a second to figure that out. it would be better to split this up into 3 different dialogue paragraphs to better understand who is speaking when.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? If hard, please specify your answer.

It was an easy read.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? If no, please specify your answer.

Refer to the dialogue response.

Were there words used in the incorrect context? If yes, please elaborate to the best of your ability.

References all made sense.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

7

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

9

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

9

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

I feel Violet needs more successes. When she was training with Jaxom, you could show how she is getting stronger, learning to fight better, working towards her goal. It felt like she is alwasy running from one trap to another. There is never really a break. Add on top of that the stupid King who can't be trusted yet, even if the mate bond is making her love him already,and it makes it hard to want to keep reading to see how their relationship will go. At this point, the mystery is what keeps me reading, not them. I was still so angry at Axel that in chapter 22, if that scene had been real and not a wet dream. I would have put the book down and never finished it. As it was, when you had Axel take care of her heat, I had no interest in reading that chapter at all. I'm just glad you didn't let him claim her yet. So far, that's the only redeeming thing he's done. She's his future queen and he has so completely cut her off at the knees that I think only through solving the mystery will she be able to reclaim what he has destroyed for her in her role as Queen and Luna for all werewolves.

Recommendation:

I would have to see how she resolves the issue between Violet and Axel first. The mystery is really good. Its very well told, but I would want to see how things resolve first.