Duffy (honeyduff)

Username: XabishhrraquelX

What was liked about your story: I liked how it's not your typical parent bond, so it's different.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): I liked everything so far, it all makes sense and the plot is interesting.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

The plot is very interesting.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Yes

Setting

Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Yes

Vivid Description

Were your scenes coming to life?

Yes, by the way the author described it

If and how all five senses were appealed to:

Yes

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

They felt important by the way they got described.

Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?

Yes

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yes

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?

The dialogue was necessary

Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?

Yes

Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?

Yes

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?

No

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?

Easy

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?

Yes

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

10

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

10

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

10

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

I liked how this story is evolving, it's not your typical wolf story

Recommendation:

Yes because this story feels unique, its not the same as other stories

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Username: azenethcardiel

What was liked about your story: I love the idea of Alaïa (MC) being a werewolf but not knowing, having spent her whole life with the people in her town thinking she’s a freak for her advanced abilities. I also love the way she finds out who her father is, and the pieces that lead to that moment.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): I think some points could use a grammar check, and others could maybe be worded differently. But other than that, it seems to be a very solid plot line and I really like it so far.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense? Up until this point, the plot makes perfect sense because the author does an excellent job of keeping the reader up to date.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

The chapters I’ve read have all been full of explanations—which is good since it is the beginning of the story—and it all seems to move quite smoothly. They have something happen every chapter and I appreciate that in a story, because I find it keeps the plot and characters and reader moving forward.

Setting

Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

It was very easy to keep track of where the action was happening at any given moment, because the author made sure to tell us or hint to the setting.

Vivid Description

Were your scenes coming to life?

I feel that Alaïa’s strong and raw emotions really helped the scene feel real. The way she reacted to everything felt realistic, because it’s how just about anybody would also react. The author kept things very real.

If and how all five senses were appealed to:

Hearing was the sense most appealed to in the chapters I read, and some were briefly explained i.e. sight. I feel the author could try and incorporate more senses as they do the hearing. If a character smells or tastes something, briefly stating how it smells or tastes.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

The characters that feel the most important are the ones that are brought up more than twice. The main character has some sort of ties to them that she keeps bringing up.

Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?

I was able to tell what characters were in the scene and who was speaking, because the author would also clue us in.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

So far, the protagonist is clear, as well as antagonists to said protagonist. The townspeople for grossly mistreating our MC, Alaïa’s mother for keeping such a huge secret, and Alaïa’s half sister and her father who also mistreat Alaïa for being different

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?

I didn’t find any of the given dialogue so far to be unnecessary

Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?

The dialogue was easy to keep track of, and it seemed realistic thanks to the way the characters reacted to situations.

Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?

The dialogue was a greatly insightful when Alaïa’s mother found out Ray was in town. It seemed as though she was speaking more to herself than Alaïa at first, and it hinted that she was hiding something big.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?

I wouldn’t say there were a lot, really. Just some cases where different punctuation could have been considered.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? The chapters were fairly easy to read. Some paragraphs got quite long but it wasn’t in any way ruining the story.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?

There was enough punctuation and the one that was there was used correctly. My only suggestion was that other punctuation could have been considered in different areas.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

9

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

9.5

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

8

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

The story is very good, and the ideas for the plot so far have been refreshing. I really have no cons to list about this story so far, because I love it. The characters are solid, and their character arcs have already started developing in a way that makes them easy to recognize. My only suggestions would be to try to branch out vocab and consider new punctuation, just to try something new.

Recommendation:

I most definitely would! I haven’t seen many stories where the main character is a werewolf who starts the story without the knowledge of what that they are. It’s truly a breath of fresh air and I’m in love with the story so far.