Kelly (K-L-Lord)

Username: petratack

What was liked about your story: The plot was very different. It has a royal werewolf family and sentinels vs. the typical Beta, Gamma etc. I like the firey main girl- Deleen and love that she has some other skills that you don't typically see with werewolves.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): The plotline is solid but the structure is a bit hard to digest sometimes.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

It does. There is a flashback and then a flashback with multiple points of view which was very confusing for the first six or so chapters. And I love the dedication page but as chapter 2, it broke up the build up of the story. Consider moving it to the beginning and labeling as such. Honestly, I would consider getting rid on the initial flashback as it doesn't add much to the story- and the point of view of the main character could be used as a prologue to set the story up.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Some chapters are very long and some are very short. Instead of publishing a short chapter, consider making it a draft and finishing it first. I know readers get impatient, but it's your story! You do it your way :).

Setting

Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

For the most part. A lot of inference was needed as points of view changed and sometimes perspectives slipped within a chapter (first to third.) It seems the initial chapters were better flushed out this way than later chapters. There are some tricky things going on then but the intentions are obvious in the writing.

Vivid Description

Were your scenes coming to life?

There was a lot of action and things happening throughout the book. I could feel the fights and runs and building relationships. Some of the continuous action could be broken up a bit to give a freeze frame moment- might help pull readers in even further with your awesome descriptions.

If and how all five senses were appealed to:

This is a strong suit for the book. "tasting like the bottom of a bird cage"- loved it! Definitely got the point across! Tingles, darkness. Great descriptions.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

This is a book with some complicated relationships and continuously unraveling secrets. I have trust in some and am still doubting others. That means they are written well! You need some characters to be hated lol- that means you did a good job. They were nicely human (werewolf? ;) ) and had vulnerabilities and strengths which made them multidimensional.

Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?

I didn't quite understand the sentinel premise and assumed more of a typical hierarchy at the beginning of the book so lost the relationship of quite a few people. Also, since it was a flashback, I wasn't sure who belonged with whom and how they all got together. It worked itself out though. There is also supposed to be some "identity" issues throughout the book which has been pulled off well so far.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

At this point, it seems to be a group effort- good guys (Deleen, Alpha Paul and Lucas+other sentinels) vs. bad guys (Rogue Alpha and spy + Tanya?). With a spy and betrayal in between. I think there's much more to this story!

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?

The dialogue nicely moved things along and helped to define characters- strong, sassy, magic spells.

Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?

Initially, the dialogue flowed well but about chapter 6 or 7, the use of quotation marks became spotty and then for a few chapters were absent altogether. And then they started to be used again. It seems, based on author notes, that there were lots of technology issues and late night writing sessions with many other personal things going on at that time. The elements were there but the punctuation was missing.

Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?

Yes, it showed different facets of their personalities nicely- alpha tones, sass, embarrassment, shock

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?

I think that this is where the book struggles the most. All of the key parts of the book are there but can get lost in the errors with punctuation, typos, random paragraph breaks, slips in point of view from first to third and in the beginning chapters shifts in first person point of view a few times without obvious change (this was changed in later chapters).

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?

Some chapters were very smooth, others struggled a bit (as previously stated.)

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?

There were inconsistent errors with punctuation and capitalization throughout the book (as previously stated). It seems technology fluctuated, time of writing fluctuated an the errors were reflective of those inconsistencies. I would say the author knows how to use proper and consistent punctuation, it just didn't always happen.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

7

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

7

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

8

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

This book has amazing potential and with a solid edit for consistency in punctuation, structure and point of view, it would be a rocking book! Great concepts, great descriptions, drama, relatable characters and good tension. I want to get the rest of it despite those things :)

Recommendation:

I would love to see a solid edit of this book before recommending it. Part of my job is editing so I am able to see through to the guts of something written but not every reader would. Let me know when that's done and I would recommend away!

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Username: Angstyjane

What was liked about your story: It was funny

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): Of what I read I liked

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

Yes the plot made sense

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Yes they were full of information

Setting

Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Yes you did know where the scenes were

Vivid Description

Were your scenes coming to life?

Not sure

If and how all five senses were appealed to:

The chapter I read didn’t have much of the 5 senses in it

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

Not sure

Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?

Yes i could

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yes

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?

Yes

Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?

Yes the dialogue seems realistic

Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?

Yes it did

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?

No there was only a few

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?

Easy

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?

Yes

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

6

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

5

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

7

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

No it seemed to be covered

Recommendation:

Yes

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Username: JoieFikolo

What was liked about your story: The dialogue was great. Specifically my favorite part was when they all came together over the wolfs death.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): Nope nothing seems wrong.

Nope nothing seems wrong.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

Yes it does.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

They were very detailed I really enjoyed it.

Setting

Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Most times I did. The author really helped by adding the details in order for us to know where they are. Such as in chapter two, they explained how Leo woke up and cooked explaining how he's in a kitchen.

Vivid Description

Were your scenes coming to life?

I did. I found myself as if I was apart of the story.

If and how all five senses were appealed to:

N/A

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

I think they all felt important in their ways of being able to understand each other.

Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?

I could because I was able to spot the differences in how they talk.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yup.

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?

I personally think all the dialogue was necessary.

Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?

I think it did.

Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?

It gave me personal feelings and foreshadowing.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?

No not many.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?

Easy

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?

I think there was.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10? 9

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

10

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

10

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

N/A

Recommendation:

I would! I already have recommended it to some of my friends. It was really interesting to read.

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Username: gg0105

What was liked about your story: I like that the story is goodly written. Though there could be more rooms for improvement. I like how respectful the alpha is of physical boundaries between him and his mate.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): I don't have anything against cliches but it definitely is a cliche for me. (But hey, that's just my opinion and I have been reading a lot of stories with these kind of trope.) Though, the author did add some twists on it and that's nice.

Also, it would be better if there are some additional descriptions made on how the characters look like and the scenes in the background.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense? The plot does make sense.

The writer can improve on the 'show not tell' techniques. Some parts are a bit predictable though so I am looking forward to some more twists in the future of the storyline.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

There's a balance between some chapters being eventful and some chapters having more information than the others. So that's nice. The revelations are also written good though you could divide them in separate chapters to keep your readers on the edge of their seats.

Setting

Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Yes. The author plainly stated the scenes. Though, a little more visual could help. But hey, I have got a nice imagination.

Vivid Description

Were your scenes coming to life?

Yes. Especially the scene when the female MC's brothers died.

But some other scenes were sort of more like technically and plainly written. I think it would be nice if you lay out the backgrounds a bit more, add some more descriptions on how the places look like.

If and how all five senses were appealed to:

Most of the senses that was appealed to me by the story were my sight and feelings. I could see the big picture of the story and how the MCs feelings were conveyed.

For improvement, maybe you could add more on how their scents are, the rush of their emotions, the crashings or the growlings, even purrings. That will help.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

They did feel important. The story and plot revolves around them and their dealings. And though some if the characters are 'minor', their roles help gave emphasis on our alpha and luna of the story and how their characters develop. Good job in there.

Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?

Yes. Definitely. You could easily say who's who and how different they are. Though, the writer could add some more descriptive habits of each one that will make it the character's quirks. I hope that helps.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yes. There definitely is. There is a thick line between them. The antagonists are so rotten. (Though I'm looking forward why they kidnapped Skyler in the first place and if her brothers were really her brothers.)

I liked how one of the characters is written in a way that he is bad but not evil (the alpha's father).

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if they were just trying to fill up the page?

Yes some dialogues were necessary. But some are just redundants of the narrative parts.

Again, 'show not tell'. I like how the main characters' dialogues are lighthearted and easy to read.

Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?

Yes, definitely. They were easy to follow as far as when I was reading them.

Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?

Most if the dialogues were a give away of the character's feelings and thoughts. Some also plainly stated what is about to happen, even what has happened.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?

Not much I could remember. I don't even remember a single typo. If there were grammar mistakes, they surely didn't stood out.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?

The chapters were easy to read. Great job there!

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?

Yes. Most definitely.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

9

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

8

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

8

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

I like how the story is goodly written. But as I have said, it falls more on the cliche. There are already a lot of stories out there with a broken female MC and a strong love support. But if this was five years ago for me, I would be hung up on stories like this. And who doesn't like a strong live support? I don't have anything agaist cliches as I have said, but a story that stands out is always a good read. I know you definitely won't let me down as I will look forward to more twists and improvement on your writing The female main character's emotions are perfectly portrayed and she is the most relatable one for me. I also like how the pack's doctor interact with the alpha even if he is the alpha, she remains the queen of the clinic.

This is also an advice my other readers have given me and has helped me improve. "Show not tell." You don't always have to give away the revelations in one chapter. You could divide them to keep the readers wanting more. Also, help out your readers by adding more details on how they look, act, talk.

All in all, the pacing of your story is nice. It doesnt move too fast nor too slow. The emotions are there. There weren't much grammatical errors, if there were any at all. I appreciate the lack of typos. Good job!

Recommendation:

I would definitely recommend this story for anyone looking for such stories with the same theme i.e. the broken girl. I bet there are a lot who could relate to it and didn't we all at one time fell in love with our damsels in distress who still are resilient and tries to keep going?