Tracy (nevrakis)
- projectwerewolves
- Jul 2, 2020
- 6 min read
Username: Fruityelephant101
What was liked about your story: I like that it wasn't that basic girl meet mate they fall in love book. I like that it was a ritual ceremony that would take place and that the lead female didn't think it was fair the moon goddess controlled their love life. I also like that not all mates end up together or are happy in the relationship I liked how the concept of Rogues was explained and given a deeper more logical meaning rather than just saying that they are lone wolves.
What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): If I had to say there was one thing I didn't like it would be how the Rogues just attacked randomly and that is not even a major thing
Plot Cohesion
Does the plot make sense?
Yes
Were the chapters eventful and full of information?
Yes
Setting
Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?
Yes because the author explained the setting so that we could distinguish where it was
Vivid Description
Were your scenes coming to life?
Yes because of how detailed everything was down to the colour I had a clear visual of what the sense looked like.
If and how all five senses were appealed to:
Yes
Characters
Did the characters feel important?
The day was basically about all of them so they were all important I'd had their own mates that would make them to you more important I don't know how to explain it
Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?
Yes
Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?
Yes
Dialogue
Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?
Yes it was
Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?
Yes
Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?
Yes
Grammar & Organization
Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?
There were minor errors in punctuality but that was it
Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?
Easy
Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?
Yes
Your punctuation rated between 1-10?
8
Your grammar rated between 1-10?
8
Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?
7
Your Partner's Personal Critique:
N/A
Recommendation:
Yes I would because I think it has more of a storyline then most werewolf books where the girl meets her mate and they fall in love. The book is about getting to know them before falling in love rather than just meeting them and falling in love
Username: bentleyann
What was liked about your story: I really enjoy the plot of the story and how things are starting to unfold in the book, it has a nice build to it that sets up a great story! I especially love how unique the characters are, I never read a book where a character(s) had more than one special ability. It was very interesting to learn about their scope of power! Great unique ideas!
What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): Some things that I would try to avoid when writing is using texting language, it often can leave readers confused. You want to move people with words and create a picture for them. Another suggestion is how the beginning of the story is brought about and the introduction of characters, it was a bunch of information all at once, instead of saying, "Hi, my name is... I am a... I go to school at..." It can make the reader bored and it's a lot to take in and remember all at once. I would recommend saying things like, "My brown locks wrapped around my face as I walked up the steps to my high school, my twin sister only a few steps behind me, the clicking of her heels softened by the chatter of students." It's a great way to give the reader the details you want them to know about your characters without throwing it all out there at once. One other point I would like to make is what character is speaking and when, your story is written in what I call a script mode, which isn't bad if you are intentionally going for"Mom-"Have a great day at school!" Me-"Thanks mom!"" However it could lead your readers astray and not want to read more of your great book! I would try to write your story so you don't have so much of the Mom-"..." things in it. The reader should be able to tell who is saying what without you having to tell them all the time. It keeps the flow.
Plot Cohesion
Does the plot make sense? So far yes.
Were the chapters eventful and full of information?
The chapters were full of information, but I would recommend cutting that back a bit. It's okay to give detailed information about your characters, however space it out and don't overwhelm your readers.
Setting
Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?
Yes, the author didn't really describe every scene but instead they used pictures to convey what they wanted the reader to imagine.
Vivid Description
Were your scenes coming to life?
Sort of. There wasn't a lot of detail and the pictures did a majority of the work.
If and how all five senses were appealed to:
There isn't a lot of the five senses being involved, a lot of the story is based off of the dialogue. I would highly suggest that if you want to REALLY entrance your readers to have some senses. You have the hearing sense down, but what about the smells? The airport scene has A LOT going on, so many people, different food stands, and cool air blasting all over the place. Use these big scenes to work into your advantage!
Characters
Did the characters feel important?
Obviously the twins are the most important in the story.
Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?
Yes, the dialogue was clearly written.
Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?
Yes
Dialogue
Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?
Yes
Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?
The dialogue is very easy to follow, however I struggled with feeling myself into the story.
Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?
The dialogue gave LOTS of feelings and thoughts.
Grammar & Organization
Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?
Yes, honestly it was mainly just the grammar and the usage of texting language in the story.
Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? The sentences were very easy to read, some of the texting lingo messed me up especially at the more important parts in the book. Having actual paragraphs can help make the story flow a bit more.
Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?
Most of the time, but yes the punctuation when used is used correctly!
Your punctuation rated between 1-10?
7
Your grammar rated between 1-10?
5
Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?
6
Your Partner's Personal Critique:
This story has a lot of potential, you have a great lead so far! One thing that I suggest putting a lot of time into is the hook of your story. When readers click on your book it's A. because there's a catchy book cover (You nailed that!) B. You have an easy to read title that has a sense of mystery behind it (Great job on the title!) and finally! C. The hook is just so enthralling that they NEED to know what the heck is going to happen! You WANT people to read your hook and literally BE HOOKED! Be mysterious, have a flirty scene, etc. but do NOT give away too much information. I recommend shortening the hook by a couple of sentences. You want it sweet and straight to the point as long as you have that juicy detail in there to really get your readers interested.
Recommendation:
I would, it's a good story with even better potential! The fact that the main characters are tribrids is even greater! The powers that these women posses is going to make for a great plot! Also, I love how unique and lovely their names are a majority of books go for really cliche names and scenes but you made your characters bold and STAND OUT! Well done.
Username: 70489AYCB
Unfortunately, your partner failed to do this week's assignment and they've received a strike for the tardiness. If you'd still wish to get a review done, please contact the founder and she or one of the admins will do it in place of your partner or you could choose to trust your new pair will write one for this week. We're so sorry for the inconvenience.
Username: lit-on-fire
Unfortunately, your partner failed to do this week's assignment and they've received a strike for the tardiness. If you'd still wish to get a review done, please contact the founder and she or one of the admins will do it in place of your partner or you could choose to trust your new pair will write one for this week. We're so sorry for the inconvenience.
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