Joanne

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JoanneProcter (reviewing soulmeraki)

What was liked about your story

I liked the unique way that the authors portrays mating – they have a mark, almost like a tattoo they appears when they find out they are mates. This mark develops as their bond strengthens

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on):

Details could be focused on a bit more – you included pictures in your work rather than taking the time to describe the scenery or the actions happening, you relied on these pictures a bit. I think from a Wattpad point of view this can be okay but you wouldn't have been able to do this if it was a published book

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

Yes

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Yes. I particuarly liked the history we got at the beginning as well, rather than just jumping straight into this particular story, you let us know how the werewolves came to be

Setting

Did you know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Yes, but as I said earlier, the pictures were used a lot

Vivid Description

Did you feel as if the scene was coming to life?

For the most part, I would like to see more description though

Were the five senses involved? If yes, how?

It was very visual, as there were visual aids to help you picture the houses etc. However I don't feel as though there was a lot of description for all the senses to be involved. I never understood much about how they felt when they touched things, what they could hear and how they scented the area.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

Very much so

Could you distinguish the difference between the characters? If no, why not?

Yes. My own personal thing was that the names could get confusing sometimes, Adrian, Adira

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yes. Surrounded by mystery but it was clear:)

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if they were just trying to fill up the page?It all felt necessary

Was the dialogue easy to follow? If no, why?

Yes – my only critique here would be in terms of layout. The paragraphs were quite large in places and the new dialogue didnt always begin on a new line so it was sometimes tricky to follow with the eyes, but the words flowed really well

Did the dialogue give you any insight to anything in the story? (i.e: thoughts, personal feelings, foreshadowing)

It did :)

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes? If yes, please specify your answer.

No. There was the odd error here and there, nothing to drag you out of the story.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? If hard, please specify your answer.

Easy to read

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? If no, please specify your answer.

Yes

Were there words used in the incorrect context? If yes, please elaborate to the best of your ability.

Yes

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

9

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

8

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

8

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

I like the plot behind the book. There was a different twist on the mates which made it fun and different to what I have read usually

Recommendation:

For the right person, definitely :)

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Username:

Angstyjane (reviewing Fruityelephant101)

What was liked about your story

The premise of the book seems nicely different. Instead of a love struck teen, brooding for her mate, it has one who is quite bitter and jaded instead. She is fiercely independent which is both a good and bad thing, especially in complicated relationships or in one with a very possessive, powerful man. Should be interesting to watch play out!

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on):

I am a person who can typically can remain in suspended disbelief, but found myself being pulled out often by the amount of detail at times. Many of the sentences were run on and or comma splice situations so I had to re-read to pair the sentence details together. It felt a bit out of balance for me in some places. I noticed that this was more apparent in later chapters than in the earlier ones. Be careful in the innuendo of your word selection as well- for example- "slightly crooked nose" I assume happened after the crash, but he could have always had a crooked nose. "Newly" would indicate that he had just broken it more effectively if that's what you meant.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

Completely. Powerful rogues, young spitfire girl, protective Alpha King. (that's as far as I read :) )

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

There was a lot of action and already a few deaths as well as a mating ritual. These chapters were packed!

Setting

Did you know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

This was done very well using all of the description. The beautiful mating ritual grounds, the car ride, the action scene, grandma's house. Yup!

Vivid Description

Did you feel as if the scene was coming to life?

Yes- lots of colors and descriptions for each scene set the tone nicely.

Were the five senses involved? If yes, how?

I really like the use of tactile description in this book- finger tips over thigh high grass, touching the sewing of the tapestry. Tactile is so often over looked and nicely done here.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

It was easy to feel the connection between the characters and each other although somehow I missed the relationship between the king and the third in command until after he died so his death and burial was a bit lost on me. I also couldn't quite understand the burials that happened- not a proper one for the luna, heartless (literally) rogue gets an in ground burial and the third in command gets chucked over a bridge to sink.

Could you distinguish the difference between the characters? If no, why not?

Yes. I feel as if I know the main girl and am getting to know more about the king although I would love to know more of his inner workings. Its tough with a first person point of view but I might feel more understanding of his chacter if we learned a bit more about him (through Chapter 10 he has drugged her and tracked her and stomped off a couple of times.)

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

While there is the obvious rogue element, I think this story also has some underlying antagonism between our lead characters that is going to drive a lot of the plot.

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if they were just trying to fill up the page?

Nope! The main character is on her own a lot to start with and wants to be that way. She likes her little quip-its which work well for her character.

Was the dialogue easy to follow? If no, why?

Through chapter 3ish- there is a bit of overlap of dialogue within a paragraph- multiple people in a row so it was confusing a bit. This issues resolved as I read further and was pretty good to go by chapter 6/7.

Did the dialogue give you any insight to anything in the story? (i.e: thoughts, personal feelings, foreshadowing)

The dialogue didn't necessarily do that but the inner thoughts did.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes? If yes, please specify your answer.

The main issue with errors- punctuation and otherwise- revolved around the comma splice. This is where two complete thoughts are joined together by a comma instead of a conjunction or semicolon for closely related sentences. This practice made many full paragraphs into nearly one giant comma splice without periods or proper capitalization.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? If hard, please specify your answer.

Because of the comma splice issue, I had to do a lot of re-reading, especially when there was a lot of description and use of adverb phrases (I didn't know where they went! - before or after!)

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? If no, please specify your answer.

See comma splice issue above :)

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

7

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

8

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

9

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

This story has a lot of great potential and I look forward to reading the rest when it's complete! Having not read all available chapters, I can see why it has nearly 500k views. I would love to explore our MC's bitterness with love and why the Alpha has to be the way that he is. And while the descriptions are great, sometimes they felt a bit over and I broke with plot a bit as a result. Be careful too that your descriptions match what follows. It's amazing how invested readers pick up on those inconsistencies. If you do use things that are not in the norm, take a moment to explain them (floating ribs for example- it's sort of like adding a different language for people :) ) It's refreshing to have a main character who isn't into the whole mate thing. I can tell a lot of love has gone into this story!

Recommendation:

Based on the 10 chapters I read, I would certainly tell people to give it a go! Honestly, though, I tend to recommend completed stories more often. (but I can be convinced by consistent, regular updates.) Keep going and finish your book! I'll be waiting!

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Username:

Fruityelephant101 (Reviewing Angstyjane)

What was liked about your story

I really think the plot is great, you set up some scenes really well and were executed great! I like the thought process of your main character (Anne) and how she has both negative and positive thoughts, you write both of those thought processes out really well. It is something that can be tricky to do, well done. And the nickname possum is really weird at first but now I love it!

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on):

A few things that I would suggest are how quickly you're moving through the story, it flows by pretty fast and a lot of things happen in a very short amount of time. I recommend spacing some major events out a bit so it's not so much at one time. I also recommend trying not to over detail everything, I know this may sound really odd, but when you go back to edit try to leave some things to the readers imagination. We don't need to know what every single place looks like with immaculate detail, I understand you want the reader to imagine, but sometimes over exclaiming certain things can ruin it more than create it. Your characters (who I love) may need a little bit more of emotion. You do make them feel anger, pain, and sorrow... That's good. However, when they get upset, (especially when that jerk Vince cheated on Anne) how Michael and his girlfriend and Jae got angry, really try to capitalize on their emotions especially Anne's because she's the main character and focus. That's going to really help give a nice breath of life into the story.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

The plot does make sense and you can follow along, it does move a bit fast at times throughout the book.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Each chapter was eventful and full of information. Good job.

Setting

Did you know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

I knew where the main character was in each scene, and it made sense for her to be in those scenes as well. You used a lot of senses which is great for really gearing a readers imagination.

Vivid Description

Did you feel as if the scene was coming to life?

Yes, there was a lot of detail in each scene. However, as I have stated before, try not to overdue the detail it will distract the reader from what you really want them to see.

Were the five senses involved? If yes, how?

All of the five senses were involved and executed in a proper manner, well done.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

Obviously the main character felt the most important, but Michael and Jae (especially Jae) felt important as well.

Could you distinguish the difference between the characters? If no, why not?

I knew which character was talking at all times.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Most definitely.

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if they were just trying to fill up the page?A majority of it was necessary, however there was a little bit of an overkill for description in some areas and it would get distracting at times.

Was the dialogue easy to follow? If no, why?

The dialogue was 100% easy to follow along. I felt that it was very realistic, just some parts felt a little too "perfect". I don't mean this in a negative way at all, but I recommend to try and bring in some emotions into play here. Sometimes when the characters would talk to one another it felt too perfect, of course I knew the writer wanted to come across that these characters would be friends (which you have done!) however it just glossed over a lot of things that "realistically" would not have happened. For example, "Hey babe. Who's this cutie? You guys know each other?" *Ch. 1* not a lot of women would say that about their boyfriend who is holding another girl up.

Did the dialogue give you any insight to anything in the story? (i.e: thoughts, personal feelings, foreshadowing)

Oh yes! Lots of it, I really enjoyed how much time you took into really pulling the main character's thoughts and feelings into the story!

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes? If yes, please specify your answer.

Not really.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? If hard, please specify your answer.

Chapters were an easy read, but I recommend chopping up some lengthier paragraphs to make it more reader friendly.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? If no, please specify your answer.

Yes

Were there words used in the incorrect context? If yes, please elaborate to the best of your ability.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

8

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

7

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

8

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

I covered a majority of it in the beginning and throughout the review.

Recommendation:

I would recommend this story for others. You have a great plot, that seems to be building. I also thoroughly enjoyed the unique little phrases you sprinkled throughout your book, it makes it unique.