Shannon

Username: bentleyann

What was liked about your story:

I like how awesome the characters are. There are also the pictires that helped in visualization. Cool!! Totally a whole different level. The story is also like fresh but quirky.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on):

Personally, I don't like how full of themselves the characters are. But what can I say, they're gods and goddesses and some spoilt rich kids. It would be nice to give them some genuine nice side. Also, how "you" is spelled "u" on the story.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

It definitely does.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

They were definitely full of information and events.

Setting

Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

The scenes are imaginable. Also, the pictures helped in visualizing the story itself.

Vivid Description

Were your scenes coming to life?

Yes. Atleast thanks to the vibes coming from the characters' monologues and dialogues.

If and how all five senses were appealed to:

The story is visual again, thanks to the accompanying pictures. I could see the scene. I could also hear the rukus going on as the story unfolded. But there weren't much in the other senses like touch, smell, etc.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

Yes. They are so full of themselves. Atleast the main characters are. And some of the others too. But I think their sense of worth comes from their titles and gifts. It's just that they are way so up high there I couldn't reach them.

Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?

Not much. Since they don't have much specific qualities to them. Like unless you tell me who is speaking, I wouldn't know. (Or maybe that's just me.) The characters are mostly stereotyped, too.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yes. There seem to be a clear protagonist. I still don't know if there is a definite antagonist but there are bitchy characters out for the protagonists.

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?

Most of them seem necessary. But there weren't much extra monologues. Some of it just came out as redundant since they were already narrated.

Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?

Yes. The dialogues are realistic. They were easy to read. But it's not easy to differentiate who was speaking if they weren't specified.

Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?

Oh there are definitely feelings and thoughts put into the dialogues.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?

There weren't much to take you off from reading.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?

Most parts were easy to read. The structuring though as to how the writer put out who was saying the dialogues.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?

There were enough punctuations but some of it weren't there where they needed to be i.e. periods after sentences and before the quotation marks. Stuff like that.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

6.5

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

8

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

8

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

I think I'm all good. I covered all the parts of critiquing thanks to the guide questions.

Recommendation:

Yes it's definitely something new when it comes to how the main characters were a combination of mermaids, werewolves and witches. That's definitely a new one. Anyone who wants to read such stories with poshed characters will take this for a recommendation.

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Username: JoieFikolo

Unfortunately, your partner failed to do this week's assignment and they've received a strike for the tardiness. If you'd still wish to get a review done, please contact the founder and she or one of the admins will do it in place of your partner or you could choose to trust your new pair will write one for this week. We're so sorry for the inconvenience.

@JoieFikolo please message one of the admin team!

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Username: BoldSwan

What was liked about your story:

It was interesting to read

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on):

What I didn’t like about the book was that I had a lot of trouble reading it as it wasn’t my cup of tea

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

Yes it makes sense

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Yes they where eventful and full of information

Setting

Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Yes I did know where the senes where taking place

Vivid Description

Were your scenes coming to life?

How the people got jealous of each other

If and how all five senses were appealed to:

Yes They used all five senses

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

Yes they did feel important

Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?

Yes u could

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yes there was

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?

Yes all the dialogue was necessary

Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?

Yes it seem realistic and easy to follow

Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?

Yes it did

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?

No there wasn’t any mistakes that I could see

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?

No I found the chapters were hard to read

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly?

Yes there was enough and it was correctly used

Your punctuation rated between 1-10? 7

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

6

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

5

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

Nothing to add

Recommendation:

Yes I would recommend this book it interesting

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Username: Petratack

What was liked about your story:

This was definitely a unique approach. I like the idea of a school for werewolf training. I loved how strong Deleen was. I was only able to read the first 5 chapters, and clearly it is setting up for a complex story.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on):

Frankly, the syntax errors and lack of proofreading made it fairly difficult for me to read and follow the story. I had to go back several times and re-read sections in order to understand what was happening in the story.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense?

In the amount of the book that I read, there seems to be two separate plots going on. I assume that they will merge or link at some point. The part with Deleen moved really quickly. I would suggest slowing it down a bit and giving the reader more information about the characters and their motivations for their actions. For example, you tell the reader that Deleen is a royal but it hasn't been explained what that means in the story. Also, she was upset about having to go back to school to learn how to be royal, but all it took was one look at a website for her to change her mind and be excited to go. As a reader, I wanted to know what changed her mind. It might also help to explain what a royal and a sentinel would be learning.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

The chapters moved very quickly and were full of information. Maybe too much. It seemed to be very focused on the events and not a lot on the motivation behind the events or how the character's felt about the events.

Setting

Did your reader know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

There wasn't a lot of information provided to the reader for the setting. The author would simply tell the reader it was an office or a bedroom. More time could be spent on describing where the characters are. It would also help the reader to really understand the world that the characters are part of.

Vivid Description

Were your scenes coming to life? Unfortunately, I had a hard time feeling like the scenes were coming to life. Everything moved so fast that it often felt like a list of actions without description of the actions. The amount of description used in the scene with Paul and Ricky was better. I especially liked when Paul jumped down the staircase.

If and how all five senses were appealed to:

I really feel like more attention could be spent of this. There was little description on what the character's looked like or what the world they live in looks like. The author has the ability to bring a scene to life and uses it sporadically, I would like it used more.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

Deleen, Paul and Lucas feel important. I am unsure about the other characters that were introduced.

Could your reader distinguish the difference between the characters?

I could. I am not sure if it was a formatting error or what, but often there were no closing quotation marks so it was a bit hard to tell when one person stopped speaking and the next one began.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yes

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if you were just trying to fill up the page?

The dialogue was necessary and moved the plot along.

Was the dialogue realistic and easy to follow?

Yes

Did the dialogue give the reader any insight to anything in the story?

The characters thoughts and personal feelings were a bit lacking. I feel like these things could be punched up and help the reader to connect to the characters more.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes?

It was occasionally difficult to follow due to grammar and punctuation errors. I am not sure if it a formatting error or what, but closing quotation marks were often missing and it was difficult to determine who was speaking. Also, spelling errors and capitalization errors took the reader out of the story.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read?

The length of the chapters was good. There is a need for more proofreading to help the flow.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? As stated above, there were issues with quotation marks. There were some capitalization errors and grammar errors that made it a bit hard to follow.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

5

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

6

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

6

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

I really do like the premise of the book. It is different than anything else I have read. Due to personal time constraints, I was only able to read through chapter 5. In the section that I read, the author was full of ideas and definitely knew where the story was going. I would suggest spending a bit more time explaining the personal motivations of the characters and allowing the reader to really get to know them and relate to them. That is how people come to love and care about fictional people.

Recommendation:

I would recommend this to anyone looking for something different and a new twist on the genre.