Kelly (K-L-Lord)

Username: Fruityelephant101

Unfortunately, your partner failed to do this week's assignment and they've received a strike for the tardiness. If you'd still wish to get a review done, please contact the founder and she or one of the admins will do it in place of your partner or you could choose to trust your new pair will write one for this week. We're so sorry for the inconvenience.

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Username: lil_wolf23 (My Mate)

What was liked about your story: I LOVED the action scenes and how they were clearly written so that I could get an image in my head as to what was going on. It was very detailed and created a great scene! It also imposes for a great strong beginning when opening up with a fighting scene.

What wasn't liked about it (something you could work on): The story is good, especially that raging beginning, however I’m going to assume in time there will be an explanation as to why Zoe and Jacob are fighting. But just from the first chapter it’s a bit confusing as to what’s going on and who all the characters are, granted we know who the main one is and what they are but HOW are they connected. Zoe and Jacob knee each other for a while but there is a HUGE rift between them? What happened? Adding a little bit of that flashback or thought of Zoe’s so the reader knows why she’s locking herself in a room with two wolves and fighting one makes it more interesting and gets a perspective from Zoe. It allows for the reader to know and understand that main character, that’s a BIG part of the story, you want your reader to connect and develop a relationship with your lead person. The fighting scene was detailed and well thought out. The hook of your story that gets your readers interested in your book is the second biggest thing after your book cover. (which looks awesome!) Your hook can make or break a reader adding your story to your library, I recommend giving your readers a little bit more. A fight scene would be good, but don’t give them a lengthy portion because a majority of them won’t read it. Give them a little snippet as to what your story is about and have that final sentence in your hook be a PUNCH! You want those readers WANTING to know what’s going to happen, you want the READER to ask questions, it forces them to dive into your story because they just need to know! Usually a tense scene, intimate scene, or a little paragraph from the climax of the story (one that doesn’t reveal too much) can get a lot of people interested. But be careful, don’t let them be able to figure out all of their questions right away in the beginning and not have another climax.

Plot Cohesion

Does the plot make sense? Sort of, I feel that when more chapters are published it will make more sense.

Were the chapters eventful and full of information?

Yes.

Setting

Did you know where the scenes were taking place at all times?

Yes.

Vivid Description

Did you feel as if the scene was coming to life?

Yes.

Were the five senses involved? If yes, how?

Yes, you could tell the character was experiencing pain when hit, tasted blood when she bled, and was highly aware of her surroundings.

Characters

Did the characters feel important?

Kind of. Obviously Zoe is important but I didn’t know why Jacob was important.

Could you distinguish the difference between the characters? If no, why not?

Yes.

Was there a clear antagonist and protagonist?

Yes.

Dialogue

Was all of the dialogue necessary, or did it seem as if they were just trying to fill up the page?

Almost all of it was necessary to paint the picture, but some parts got a bit lengthy and over flourished with detail. (Which is never a bad thing) however, it can be a bit of an overkill at certain parts.

Was the dialogue easy to follow? If no, why?

Yes.

Did the dialogue give you any insight to anything in the story? (i.e: thoughts, personal feelings, foreshadowing)

Sort of. The fight scene was full of detail, but there was the why? That was unanswered and left me feeling confused as to why these two were locked in a room fighting with another wolf.

Grammar & Organization

Were there a lot of errors/mistakes? If yes, please specify your answer.

There were some grammatical errors but they were very few and far in between.

Were the chapters hard, or easy to read? If hard, please specify your answer.

The chapters were easy to read and follow along.

Was there enough punctuation, and was it used correctly? If no, please specify your answer.

Yes, however just one suggestion but it’s not really NECESSARY or VITAL, but breaking off paragraphs at the right part in a sentence can add an extra flare of drama. “He punched me in the face. I smiled. “My turn.” Compared to- He punched me in the face. I smiled. “My turn.”

Were there words used in the incorrect context? If yes, please elaborate to the best of your ability.

No.

Your punctuation rated between 1-10?

Punctuation would be at a 8.5.

Your grammar rated between 1-10?

I would give them a 9 (Nicely done!)

Your vocabulary rated between 1-10?

10 Vocabulary range was wide and non repetitive.

Your Partner's Personal Critique:

N/A

Recommendation:

I would recommend this story when there are a few more chapters, the first chapter is good but it leaves the reader confused and often times people won’t come back to it.